No Respect for Men

Lone-SurvivorBefore I begin I want you to know a few things about my husband and I. We have four kids and have been married for 21 years. He works very hard for our family and I know that he will do anything to keep us from living on the streets. However, we have not always communicated well with each other. Growing up with so much dysfunction and abuse I have a difficult time trusting men. My husband also grew up in a very dysfunctional family. Put us both together and we become two very hard working people who hurt each other because of our skill-less communication, hurtful choice of words, and harmful actions we carried into our marriage. 

I have little to no respect for men.

Sure, I respect the fact that my husband is a hard worker and that he cares enough about us to keep supporting his family. But it is different from having full out total respect for him as a man. Because of my lack of respect I isolate, I do not share my feelings, and do not always trust his wisdom. This is something I want to change and have been working on as I try to trust my husband more. He and I  have changed many of our dysfunctional ways over the years.  I strive to acknowledge that and want to begin to trust and respect him more.

But how do you do that?

My habits of un-trust are automatic, unconscious at times, and they feel safe to me. It takes conscious mindful work to not resort to my old ways! It is too easy at the end of the day when my husband comes home from  work to just be who I have been all these past years. By 6 or 7 at night I just want to be. I don’t want to think. I want to act how I want and be forgiven without even being spoken to. I want to continue with my distrust and respect because I am tired. I also have been looking for absolute perfection from my husband in the way he treats me.

Back to my point.

Last night, we went to the movies and saw Lone Survivor. If you haven’t seen the previews, it is about some military men who fought in Afghanistan and became stranded. They go through tremendous pain and effort to stay alive and not all of them make it out alive. It is based on a true story and they show the real people who experienced this at the end of the movie.

I cried!!

Actual men movie was made after.

Actual men movie was made after.

These men had the most courageous stamina, they were dedicated, they stuck to their morals, they did everything within their power to help each other, protect each other, and they sacrificed for each other. They respected hard decisions and fought with everything they had. They took torturous after torturous blows and kept going. I have never saw so much courage and sacrifice from one human being to another.

During the movie God spoke to me. He said,

“This is how I made men. They have a desire and an instinct to fight for you. They were born to respect, honor, and protect. Your husband has this inside of him. He is like these men. Sin tried to corrupt what I made but what I made is still inside each and every man. These men you watched here tonight are in each man that I created. So you want to see that? Then be the women I created you to be. It is inside you! Respect, honor, love, and forgive is all you need to begin to see the wisdom, love, gentleness, courageous, and protection that I made in each and every man.”

Since last night, I see men a lot differently. I’ll never look at them the same way again. No matter how they portray themselves I know what they are capable of. I need that in a man. My daughters need that in a man. My sons need that in a man. They have that instinct inside of them and need to be treated/raised to act on those and taught to deny the lies the enemy may tell them about themselves.

I no longer have “no respect for men.”  I am encouraged. I am blessed. I am excited to be the wife that my husband deserves. I know that God will reinforce those qualities he gave him if I also do my part in being the woman he created me to be.


Denounce the lies you have believed about yourself and trust how God created you to be.


Take a step of faith and trust more in the man God put in your life and have the courage to believe what God believes about men.

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One comment on “No Respect for Men

  1. I think it’s terrific you were able to reach this deeper level of understanding through seeing a film. You and I wouldn’t agree at all on the psychology of maleness and femaleness, but powerful storytelling opens up most folks to their true intentions. That’s a big reason why I love the arts so much. A well-told story can be a transformative experience to witness.

    Because you wanted a more supportive partnership in your heart, something only achievable through greater respect, you arrived at the theater with an open attitude. Those aspects of the story that resonated with your desire to understand allowed you to see things differently than you had before, to identify with the struggle and sacrifice the characters (based on real men) endured.

    It’s up to you to decide for yourself whether being changed by a movie going experience equals being spoken to by God. God has surely inspired a lot of artists, including filmmakers, so I guess it’s possible. Perhaps God talks to us every time we “get” something we didn’t understand before. Or we finally put two and two together after enough experience. Either view is valid.

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